We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
