When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
