i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
