even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
