I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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