I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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