I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
