It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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