The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
