im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
