Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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