So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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