In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
