goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
