Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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