So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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