Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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