How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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