Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm passing your future prison.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
