P.S. I can't hear my feet
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
