Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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