Can i not drive my cunt home
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
