i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
