I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize