Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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