My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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