is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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