You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
