508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
