is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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