my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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