went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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