Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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