oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
