I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
