Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
