I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
