If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
