now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
