Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
