And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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