I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
