I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
