I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
