i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
