I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
