why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
