Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
