just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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