Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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