Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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