How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
