i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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