Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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