I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
