I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
