college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize