Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
