dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Randomize
