People in love make me want to vomit
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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