Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
