we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
