If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize