youre lurking in front of me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
