I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
this will be a night to untag.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
