Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
