So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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