Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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