Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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