he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
