yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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