when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
