I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize