I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
