walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
