Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
