I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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