He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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