i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it glows. i had to have it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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