Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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