Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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