I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
