when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
