tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
