im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
