Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
