she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
