I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
