Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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