I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
