Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
