You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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