If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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