take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
