My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
