If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
