I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
