you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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