How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
