I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
